Today I don’t feel trustworthy. Sitting here to write this blog I am fighting to hold on to truth. Fighting not to let how I feel define truth, not to let others define truth, but to know what I know that I know… to have faith in the truth as defined in the Bible. There is conflict and expectations unmet, my life isn’t simple and it’s a far cry from perfect. I don’t write because I have it all figured out, rather I write as a way of sharing what I’m learning and proclaiming truth so we can encourage one another to press on in that truth. But that means I fail too. My heart can be overflowing with words on a page, but in another moment my mouth can not speak or my actions don’t follow through because of fear, selfishness, pride or any of my other weaknesses. I still struggle to pick up my cross some days. The world wants to yell hypocrite when this happens, and so we hesitate to speak because we know we will fail at times. I have. Many times. I am unworthy.
This is the truth: He has redeemed my life from the pit, he has covered me and declared me righteous, he has considered me trustworthy of the gospel I have received. And he is not a liar. In my weakness he is made strong. So instead of focusing on my failures and all that I am not, I choose today to focus on who I am in him. A fully redeemed and incredibly loved child of a God. He is still working on me, still teaching me, growing me, strengthening me, sanctifying me… I am a work in progress. And that doesn’t make me a hypocrite, because being a hypocrite is about what’s in your heart. It makes me honest. So although I don’t feel worthy to write these truths today, I am thanking Jesus that by his grace, I am. He chose me, considered me trustworthy, and appointed me to share the gospel and build up his church. Like Jesus in the desert with Satan, you have to fight the temptation and the lies with the truth of the gospel. He is manipulative and a liar, so it’s critically important we all know the truth of the word so we can to wise to his schemes. Satan wants us to believe the lies, he whispers them in unexpected places and sometimes he screams them at us from the loudest places.
So today I am yelling back…
I am thankful that who I am is defined by Jesus and by what He did, not by my actions and not by the world.
I am thankful that Jesus defines truth, and his truth has power over how I feel.
I am thankful that he daily provides the strength I need so I can press on regardless of how I feel.
I am thankful he is making all things new and we have the hope of heaven, where the struggle will be no more.
I am thankful. Jesus Christ is my Lord.